A LIFE
DREAM FULFILLED? by Swami Kriyananda
Dear Friends:
More than forty years ago, Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, then
Prime Minister of India, gave his personal blessing on a
project I had presented to him. It was to develop a piece
of land in the green belt area near Birla Mandir. That he
gave this venture his blessing was nothing short of a miracle.
Many hundreds of others had tried to get land there, and
all of them had been refused.
I and numerous friends in New Delhi were going to build
a park-like center for interreligious cooperation and harmony.
The picture shown above is of a painting that I made in
1961 to help promote that project. That brochure was never
published, for, to the amazement of us all, the end result
of our glowing hopes and expectations was, for us, a disaster.
I was the Vice President, at that time, of Yogoda Satsanga
Society of India and Self-Realization Fellowship in America.
My fellow Board members, instead of being wonderstruck and
delighted by this news, as we'd expected, were outraged
by it.Swami Kriyananda about forty years ago.
In retrospect, I realize they must have been frightened
off by something they'd find difficult to keep under their
own careful supervision and control. At any rate, and whatever
their actual reasons, they opposed the project vehemently,
stating their opposition in a long letter filled with anger
and accusations. Even though I accepted their verdict uncomplainingly,
and said I would go along with it, it wasn't long before
they dismissed me—not simply requesting my resignation,
but actually "throwing me out on my ear" (as the
expression is in America), with insults and the dire warning
never again to dare try in any way to serve my great Guru,
Paramhansa Yogananda, on pain of severe retribution.
You can read about that auspicious event in a recent book
of mine, A Place Called Ananda. It is freely available over
the internet. I call what happened "auspicious"
not in sarcasm, but for a deeper reason. Indeed, everything
God gives us is auspicious, if we will only wait long enough,
with faith, for the final outcome.
The results of that episode—so tragic for me at first,
personally—were, as you will read in that book, most
fortunate. I ended up being free to continue serving my
Guru according to my own inner guidance. I founded several
communities called "Ananda": six of them in America,
and one more in Italy. At present, some 1000 people live
in those communities, with many more people coming all the
time. Thousands more are associated with Ananda in many
countries. In addition, I have written 79 books, composed
over 400 pieces of music, and written the lyrics for about
250 songs. (The rest of the music I've composed is for instruments.)
I have lectured extensively in America and Europe. All this
I have done because the one thing that I, as a loyal disciple
of my Gurudeva, could never do was sit back, as I'd been
ordered to do, and do nothing to serve him!
Always, in America and Europe, I waited for guidance from
my Master as to whether he still wanted me to work also
in India. I didn't want to create trouble for anyone, but
at the same time I could not forget that he had often hinted
to me that it was his will that I spread his work there.
Over the years, many Indians have written to me pleading
with me to return and resume the work I began so many years
ago.Swami Kriyananda serving a box of sweets to his Guruji,
meant as a gift for Ambassador Binay R. Sen. Seen above
with Paramhansa Yogananda is Mrs. Sen.
Let me ask you at this point, friends, to put yourselves
in my place. Many of you who are reading this letter weren't
even born when those things happened, which so drastically
changed my life. Those of you who were not only in your
present bodies but were old enough to join me in trying
to develop that wonderful New Delhi project may now be too
old to care much about the things of this world. I do hope
and pray that your devotion to God and Gurus, at least,
is still vibrantly alive.
Those of you who did work with me then were, I know, deeply
hurt by what happened. It affected all of us. For those
of you for whom, being younger, this story seems like "ancient
history," I ask you to cast your minds back in imagination
and visualize what it meant to those of us who were involved:
our great hopes and expectations for something beautiful
and inspiring, something that would bring hope and joy to
countless thousands. If you have carried your visualization
so far, I ask you please also to picture the pain of our
almost unbearable disappointment; the sorrow of seeing a
good—and, yes, a holy—offering to God destroyed
beyond repair, destroyed contemptuously, and with sneers
for our noble motives.
I was simply not able to write to those dear friends who
had given their hearts to cooperating in this worthy cause.
My own suffering was too deep—too deep even for bitterness,
too deep for anger, too deep for anything but prayers for
guidance, which I uttered every minute for years in deep
anguish. It seemed to me, then, that everything for which
I longed in life—Guru seva, moksha, the chance to
serve others with love in my Gurudeva's name—had been
stripped away, not for any reason that I could rationally
accept, but in a way that I knew was brutally unjust.
Since then, for more than forty years, I have had to bear
my own gurubhais' continued condemnation, persecution, and
unceasing effort to destroy me and everything in which I
most deeply believe. Yes, destroy is the only word to describe
what was attempted through lawsuits and slander. Indeed,
it is a word one of their lawyers actually used to proclaim
his intentions. How could I think of bringing you into that
suffering? The best I could hope for was, by my continued
silence, at least to spare you some of that pain. Thus,
you would not be tempted to turn away from goodness, and
kindness, and faith, and divine love.
For I did have to face that temptation. It was as if my
own brothers and sisters actually wanted me to lose faith—faith
in myself, in my discipleship, even in God. I resolved from
the beginning, however, never to let bitterness enter my
heart. Instead, I determined that there was only one course
I could follow: love.
Would others have had the strength to make such a resolution,
had they known the facts? I wasn't sure, and didn't want
to submit them to that test. For those of you who knew me
then, I can say simply that my determination to live for
divine love and joy was successful. I based my resolution
on the knowledge that, if ever I allowed myself to grow
bitter I myself would only be the loser, twice over! I have
continued to love those who hurt me, as I had always done.
Yet, on my conscience, I had no choice but to continue
to serve my Guru and to carry on as he himself had instructed
me personally to do. I never faltered in this purpose. The
testing has continued to this day, and so also have the
anger and the contempt. I will never falter. And I am glad
to say that, for me, the fruits have been not bitterness,
but joy.
My reply to people who pleaded with me to return to India
was always, "If my Guru shows me that he wants me to
work there, I will gladly return. Indeed India is, spiritually,
my own country too. I will not work there, however, for
any reason of personal vindication. Until my Gurudeva makes
it clear to me that it is his will that I work there, I
cannot accede to the wishes of anyone else. Guruji knows
that my life is dedicated purely to him, to the quest for
God, and to serving the mission God sent through him to
mankind."
My life has borne much good, wholesome fruit. My many years
of tapasya have not been in vain. For that fact, I am blissful
and deeply grateful.
Lately I was finishing my 79th book. As it neared completion,
I suddenly realized that with this book, my life's work
was finished! I am in my 78th year. What else is there left
for me to do?
India? Yes, India! With the completion of that book, my
life has taken a surprising turn—not toward retirement
and rest (well earned, I hope!), but toward even greater
service. It appears that the colossal disappointment that
I, and so many hundreds of others, endured all those years
ago over that Delhi Project may be turned to joy after all
even on this material earth plane. Great saints, including
Neem Karoli Baba, had predicted that what I was attempting
at that time would, as he put it, "come up." That
prediction appears now to be on the verge of fulfillment
after all. For I feel clearly the guidance of my Guru to
return to India, and once more to put my hand to the plow.
Am I too old? And will I, at my present advanced age, be
able to accomplish anything practical? Will I even be able
to survive in that difficult climate? Nothing matters to
me except that I serve my Guru as he wants me to. This little
person is not important. Whatever good I can do, however,
is important, and does matter!
Moreover, I still have lots of energy, as well as many
friends, much younger than I, who want to work with me.
I am also fortunate in having become somewhat known in India,
through twenty of my books that have been published here.
I have even retained some knowledge of Hindi and Bengali,
which I used to speak—though never well! It is true
that most of the Indians I've met speak good English, but
it can't hurt that I am still able to speak at least a little
bit of your native tongues also. I may even be able to learn
them better, now. I would like to be able to lecture in
Hindi, if you all are generous enough to forgive my atrocious
mistakes! (As for Bengali, I have long considered it the
sweetest language in the world.)
As to my health and ability to survive the climate, as
well as any other strain I may face, truthfully, I don't
care. Even persecution, if it must continue, is (as we say
in America) "the name of the game." I've told
friends of mine, "I sprinkle persecution on my cereal
for breakfast!" I'll continue to serve my Guru as long
as God gives me the strength to do so.
I, and a group of friends from several countries, have
decided to settle south of New Delhi. We invite you to join
us for satsangs and even, if possible, to live with us.
Together, may we build a work that will do what so many
longed in our hearts to accomplish all those years ago:
to show people everywhere the vitally important truths my
great Guru brought to the world, and how to make God real
in people's daily lives.
A book I finished for Gurudev just a few months ago—the
book before this last one—has now been published.
Its name is, God Is for Everyone. God is indeed for all—whether
they be worldly or spiritually minded, whether they be Eastern
or Western, and whether they be Hindus, Christians, Jews,
Buddhists, or Muslims. People need to climb out of the pit
of sectarian rivalry into which the world has been slipping,
and to understand that the goal of all human seeking is
the bliss of man's own being: Satchidanandam.
I hope to have the joy of seeing you during the months
to come. May God bless you all forever, and fill you with
His unconditional love and kindness, and His eternal bliss.
He ever loves you. And, in His consciousness, so also do
I love you.
In divine friendship,
Swami Kriyananda
About Swami Kriyananda
Swami Kriyananda is one of the few living disciples of the
great Indian master, Paramhansa Yogananda. Swamiji met his
guru in 1948 in Los Angeles, California, and has traveled
throughout the world spreading his teachings and creating
spiritual communities. He has now come to India to help
establish a new kind of spiritual center for people of all
faiths and religions who are seeking God.
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